mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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