So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
