this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
40s are totally the cure
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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