she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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