you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
