i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
