smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
