Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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