where am i from again
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
