Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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