one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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