sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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