I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
