She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
