i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
