people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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