...so i touched it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
