made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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