I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
