Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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