dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
