I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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