No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize