Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
