You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
