No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Randomize