what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Found your dick twin last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
