and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
