if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
