she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
