Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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