I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
