Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
