You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
