hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
