So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
