so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
