Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
