I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
last night I used snow as a chaser
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