i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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