his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize