I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
