Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Randomize
