One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize