The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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