everyone is single if you try hard enough
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
jump out the window naked night went bad
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