u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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