We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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