So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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