The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
