1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Randomize
