Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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