i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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