Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
