just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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