You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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