I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
