You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
