He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
