The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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