he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
