Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
