Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
